Wednesday, February 18, 2009
that scary thing called the future
I can't shake this feeling that I'm not going to end up transferring. Talking to my best friend today she said, "Well you probably just feel stressed and overwhelmed cause it is finally hitting you that the time has come." I agree but I don't agree. I do feel the pressure of doing last minute paperwork and going over my transcript with counselor after counselor to make sure I didn't miss anything, but at the same time I don't care. And this also makes me angry. Because this is what I have been working toward for the past two years. Transferring has made up a bulk of my conversations, what I've worked so hard toward and I thought I was so ready and set. But at the same its not that I'm not ready. It is that I don't know what I'm leaving for. What do I want to do? I have no idea. As my dad put it once, why spend all this money when you don't know what you want to do. And lets say I do leave. I have friends who are so concerned with moving away from home or not knowing anyone but I'm more afraid of going to school in Socal, graduating and then finding a job down there. I do not want to live down there. I want to stay in northern California. But is is not uncommon that where people go to school and start networking is where they end up staying. I also am not financially prepared for college. And I don't really like the idea of being up to my neck in student loans for the next few years. But what would I do if I don't transfer? Work? Travel? Maybe I'm overthinking everything. Or maybe I know myself better than I think I do. Scary.
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Ah, my dear Regina. At the risk of sounding like one of Paul's pep-talks, you're going to grow a lot (even more than we have during the last few semesters!) in the next several months, and by the end of that time you'll know yourself even better than you do now. I know that overanalyzing situations has always been the Achilles heel for both of us, but when your admission letters come in, you can use it to your advantage to fully weigh out your options.
ReplyDeleteOf course while we would all love it if you stayed in the Bay, maybe going to SoCal would be good for you. I don't want you to turn down the opportunity and then look back and wish you had gone. While we both started out as naive, uncool geeks, you've blossomed into a smart, beautiful and confident young woman (oh wow, I can't believe how cheesy I sound!) and I KNOW that you can take on LA, or wherever you decide to go.
Hopefully at least something I said here makes sense. I'll cut this short- no matter what you decide, I support you! Love yaa.