Wednesday, February 18, 2009
that scary thing called the future
I can't shake this feeling that I'm not going to end up transferring. Talking to my best friend today she said, "Well you probably just feel stressed and overwhelmed cause it is finally hitting you that the time has come." I agree but I don't agree. I do feel the pressure of doing last minute paperwork and going over my transcript with counselor after counselor to make sure I didn't miss anything, but at the same time I don't care. And this also makes me angry. Because this is what I have been working toward for the past two years. Transferring has made up a bulk of my conversations, what I've worked so hard toward and I thought I was so ready and set. But at the same its not that I'm not ready. It is that I don't know what I'm leaving for. What do I want to do? I have no idea. As my dad put it once, why spend all this money when you don't know what you want to do. And lets say I do leave. I have friends who are so concerned with moving away from home or not knowing anyone but I'm more afraid of going to school in Socal, graduating and then finding a job down there. I do not want to live down there. I want to stay in northern California. But is is not uncommon that where people go to school and start networking is where they end up staying. I also am not financially prepared for college. And I don't really like the idea of being up to my neck in student loans for the next few years. But what would I do if I don't transfer? Work? Travel? Maybe I'm overthinking everything. Or maybe I know myself better than I think I do. Scary.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Love day
I think this was the first Valentine's Day where myself and my best girlfriends together all had someone to spend the holiday with. In the past, it seems like someone was always left out. But I'm glad and happy that most people seemed to make the most out of the holiday, even if it was just with friends or family. At work yesterday some of my coworkers came in dressed up; one brought heart shaped donuts and we handed out flowers and chocolate kisses to our tables.
One of my coworkers commented that she liked working on Valentine's day (in the morning at least) because everyone was in a good mood and spirits were up. I had realized that too, there was something in the air and for the first time in years I was able to remember how it felt back in elementary, middle and even high school when it was Valentine's Day. People were just happy and excited to receive flowers, candy, cards. In elementary school it was about looking foward to a day of making bags out of construction paper for people to put valentines in, picking out valentines from the store then going home and sorting through them all to decide who got which one. It was just cute. And it was nice to be reminded of that feeling because it is more fleeting as you get older.
It was also funny shopping that week leading up to the holiday. We were at See's Candy for a good forty-five minutes stuck in line trying to get candy. My friend said one lady she was standing in line with told her she has a box of see's she brings back each year to get refilled and writes in the date for her husband. Apparently, she had been doing it for years. Just a fun tradition. Then at the mall of course it was packed. All the girls trying to buy last minute outfits was funny. Of course, my friends and I were also guilty of purchasing clothing articles or accesories. It got me thinking about how amusing it was. Why is it that girls are always so concerned about getting an outfit for every occasion? So concerned about making sure to purchase the perfect shoes and earrings to match. It is a little obsessive and can get expensive. Yet we still do it.
Well, for one, girls love to shop. There is really no answer I can give as to why. We just do. It is just fun to buy clothes and look cute. As for why we need outfits for every occasion, we just want to impress our boys (or partners or friends, whoever). We like to take care of ourselves and look nice. Of course, however, you do have to draw the line somewhere. Dropping hundreds of dollars just to look nice or keep your significant other interested is a bit over the top. And in the end, as I've said before, confidence is sexy and no one should have to change themselves to impress someone else.
And at the same time, boys, tell your girl she looks nice. Notice when she puts a little extra effort into her appearance and be grateful she wants to look nice for you and that she cares about upkeeping her appearance. And try to do the same. Don't show up to a nice dinner in jeans and a hoodie while she's in heels and a dress.
I talked to people who went all out for Valentine's Day. The whole nine yards. And I talked to people who kept it simple and easy. While Valentine's Day isn't that big of a deal to me, I still enjoy it and see it more of a time just to be thankful for the people you care about in your life and a chance to maybe do something a little extra special to show them your appreciation.
One of my coworkers commented that she liked working on Valentine's day (in the morning at least) because everyone was in a good mood and spirits were up. I had realized that too, there was something in the air and for the first time in years I was able to remember how it felt back in elementary, middle and even high school when it was Valentine's Day. People were just happy and excited to receive flowers, candy, cards. In elementary school it was about looking foward to a day of making bags out of construction paper for people to put valentines in, picking out valentines from the store then going home and sorting through them all to decide who got which one. It was just cute. And it was nice to be reminded of that feeling because it is more fleeting as you get older.
It was also funny shopping that week leading up to the holiday. We were at See's Candy for a good forty-five minutes stuck in line trying to get candy. My friend said one lady she was standing in line with told her she has a box of see's she brings back each year to get refilled and writes in the date for her husband. Apparently, she had been doing it for years. Just a fun tradition. Then at the mall of course it was packed. All the girls trying to buy last minute outfits was funny. Of course, my friends and I were also guilty of purchasing clothing articles or accesories. It got me thinking about how amusing it was. Why is it that girls are always so concerned about getting an outfit for every occasion? So concerned about making sure to purchase the perfect shoes and earrings to match. It is a little obsessive and can get expensive. Yet we still do it.
Well, for one, girls love to shop. There is really no answer I can give as to why. We just do. It is just fun to buy clothes and look cute. As for why we need outfits for every occasion, we just want to impress our boys (or partners or friends, whoever). We like to take care of ourselves and look nice. Of course, however, you do have to draw the line somewhere. Dropping hundreds of dollars just to look nice or keep your significant other interested is a bit over the top. And in the end, as I've said before, confidence is sexy and no one should have to change themselves to impress someone else.
And at the same time, boys, tell your girl she looks nice. Notice when she puts a little extra effort into her appearance and be grateful she wants to look nice for you and that she cares about upkeeping her appearance. And try to do the same. Don't show up to a nice dinner in jeans and a hoodie while she's in heels and a dress.
I talked to people who went all out for Valentine's Day. The whole nine yards. And I talked to people who kept it simple and easy. While Valentine's Day isn't that big of a deal to me, I still enjoy it and see it more of a time just to be thankful for the people you care about in your life and a chance to maybe do something a little extra special to show them your appreciation.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Be the change you want to see
Funny how I remember blogging all the time when I used to actually use my MySpace. Then I slowly stopped. I couldn't tell you why I did but I just did. I always used to write in my diary and then I started to write less and less. And again, I couldn't tell you why. However, one of my new years resolutions was to write more. And I intend to; I miss it. People make jokes and criticize bloggers all the time, and while I am guilty of doing the same from time to time, I also think it is a neat thing to be able to sit and write about an experience or a feeling and have others share. It is like freezing a moment of your life - something that was going on or an emotion you had that you can return to relive whenever you read the entry.
So here I am, making my first attempt in a while to blog again. It is 1:10 a.m. and I got home from work about 45 minutes ago. As much as I complain and whine about Applebees's I really have had such a good time working there. I love my co-workers and I meet the neatest people from time to time.
Tonight, for example I stayed for a coworker or mine because she wasn't feeling well. Toward 10 p.m. a man sat in my section. After the initial introduction and placing of his order I later returned with his food. As I put his food down he said "I am so jet lagged, I just got back from Berlin." I stopped, mildly impressed and interested and asked why he had been in Berlin. Well, what started as an innocent question turned into almost an hour discussion with this man I had just met. He told me he had been in Berlin for a film festival. Now, I don't know too much about film festivals but from what he told me, the film festival in Berlin is like the best of the best, the "creme de la creme" as he put it. He said he had seen probably abou 45 movies in the last few days and been out at parties until two/three in the morning. Apparently, from what I found out, he does some kind of work in the film industry and gets flown around to different festivals/premiers/parties. He told me about a party he was at recently where the Stones and Madonna played and Julia Roberts, Kate Winslet and Michelle Phiefer were on the guestlist. Talk about amazing! He knows the guy who produced Slumdog Millionare and had quite a few interesting facts to tell me about that movie. He also knew the director of the movie The Wrestler, knows people who sit on the board for the Academy Awards and has over the years just built up this network of writers, producers, actors and directors from all over the world.
It was so amazing and his life sounded so exciting. He was very down to earth and fun to talk to. For a some time we reminisced over past Academy Awards and talked movies. He really knew his stuff . Somehow we started talking about traveling to Europe and he told me he had been to India, all over Latin America and Europe, some parts of Asia, and really encouraged me to travel as well. He gave me his business card and went on his way.
I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I have a job to support myself, family and friends, get to go to school and write for a great newspaper yet I feel like I am just missing out on so much. And talking to this guy really just reminded me how much is out there - the people to meet and places to go and things to do! I feel so excited and overwhelmed for what the future holds for me. I am transferring (I think) in the Fall and have made a pact with myself that I am just going to do something spontaneous and out there before I go. It may be my last chance for a while and I haven't really have done anything on a large scale. So this summer I plan to just travel, preferably Europe. Whether it is with an organization or group or just friends, I want to and need to. I want to live and experience life. For the past few years its been all about school and working and just going about my daily routine. I am only 19 and I almost feel like I'm already stuck. The world has so much to offer and I want to find out and take advantage of it.
So here I am, making my first attempt in a while to blog again. It is 1:10 a.m. and I got home from work about 45 minutes ago. As much as I complain and whine about Applebees's I really have had such a good time working there. I love my co-workers and I meet the neatest people from time to time.
Tonight, for example I stayed for a coworker or mine because she wasn't feeling well. Toward 10 p.m. a man sat in my section. After the initial introduction and placing of his order I later returned with his food. As I put his food down he said "I am so jet lagged, I just got back from Berlin." I stopped, mildly impressed and interested and asked why he had been in Berlin. Well, what started as an innocent question turned into almost an hour discussion with this man I had just met. He told me he had been in Berlin for a film festival. Now, I don't know too much about film festivals but from what he told me, the film festival in Berlin is like the best of the best, the "creme de la creme" as he put it. He said he had seen probably abou 45 movies in the last few days and been out at parties until two/three in the morning. Apparently, from what I found out, he does some kind of work in the film industry and gets flown around to different festivals/premiers/parties. He told me about a party he was at recently where the Stones and Madonna played and Julia Roberts, Kate Winslet and Michelle Phiefer were on the guestlist. Talk about amazing! He knows the guy who produced Slumdog Millionare and had quite a few interesting facts to tell me about that movie. He also knew the director of the movie The Wrestler, knows people who sit on the board for the Academy Awards and has over the years just built up this network of writers, producers, actors and directors from all over the world.
It was so amazing and his life sounded so exciting. He was very down to earth and fun to talk to. For a some time we reminisced over past Academy Awards and talked movies. He really knew his stuff . Somehow we started talking about traveling to Europe and he told me he had been to India, all over Latin America and Europe, some parts of Asia, and really encouraged me to travel as well. He gave me his business card and went on his way.
I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I have a job to support myself, family and friends, get to go to school and write for a great newspaper yet I feel like I am just missing out on so much. And talking to this guy really just reminded me how much is out there - the people to meet and places to go and things to do! I feel so excited and overwhelmed for what the future holds for me. I am transferring (I think) in the Fall and have made a pact with myself that I am just going to do something spontaneous and out there before I go. It may be my last chance for a while and I haven't really have done anything on a large scale. So this summer I plan to just travel, preferably Europe. Whether it is with an organization or group or just friends, I want to and need to. I want to live and experience life. For the past few years its been all about school and working and just going about my daily routine. I am only 19 and I almost feel like I'm already stuck. The world has so much to offer and I want to find out and take advantage of it.
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