"It seems like you are always giving out advice to other people - they know they can always come to and rely on you - but, I mean, do you ever get advice yourself? You are always there to help others out - yet you have your own share of problems. Maybe its easy to give others advice but diffficult for you to take your own advice?"
...never thought of it like that.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Passing judgement
This is going to sound very similiar to a opinion I've written before but oh well.
I accompanied my best friend to a party last night to meet up with a friend of hers from DVC. After getting some delicious frozen yogurt and meeting her friend's friends, we went to one of their apartments. At the party we all got to talking and the boys said they had graduated from Alhambra high school in Martinez. I asked one of them if he knew a friend of mine from DVC who had also graduated from Alhambra.
He said he did and immediately everyone that also knew my friend started to tell me what a good and nice kid he was. I responded that I knew he was, and that I liked that. For some reason, one of the boys seemed to get the impression I was interested in trying to get at this friend. Confused, I responded that I wasn't, we were just friends. He joking replied "He is a good kid, stay away from him." I asked what he was talking about. He looked at me and said, "I know your type." Taken back, I asked what my type was. "Just look at you. I know you aren't a innocent, good girl."
Although he was in part just joking around, I was still insulted and replied, "You don't know me" and the conversation ended there.
I went home but couldn't stop thinking about what he had said. The part that upsets me the most is how he determined my character based solely off my appearance, even after having talked to me for some time. I'm a outgoing, friendly, young white girl transferring to UCSB with long, blondish hair and green eyes and was at a party with my girlfriend where I didn't know anyone, sipping on a mixed drink. Therefore I am a slut. Therefore I am a party animal. Therefore I have nothing in my head but fluff.
I know we are all guilty of judging others, myself definitely included. But to outright tell someone that you "know their type" is stepping over the line.
I like to think I am not like many girls, and I'd even go as far as to say I pride myself on that fact. I also love I have friends who are very similar to myself. But obviously it doesn't matter to some who take one look at me and come to their own conclusions.
Maybe if he had taken some time to get to know me a little better he'd find out I have a 4.0 GPA. Maybe he'd find out I go to church with my family. Maybe he'd find out that I basically support myself. Or that I'm active within my community and work hard writing for one of the best community college newspapers in the country. Sure, I do enjoy partying, will have a drink now and then and like going dancing at clubs but that isn't all there is to me.
His comment also made me wonder if that is the kind of idea others formulate about me after taking one look. I'd hope not, but it undoubtedly happens. And while a good part of how people perceive others has nothing to do with that individual, a part does. If a girl walks around in low cut shirts and short, tight skirts, she is putting forth an image that isn't exactly positive. And if that is her idea of looking "cute" she can't really be offended when someone gets the wrong idea of her. Same goes for anyone.
So present yourself how you want others to view you. I don't believe I should have to go around wearing sweats with a short haircut and no make-up (and even then I'd still be judged) to be given a fair trial but I'll dress appropiately and how I like.
I've been trying harder lately to stop when I catch myself passing judgement on someone I do not know. I'm ashamed whenever I'm proved wrong, which is often. However, I like being proved wrong. And although his comment caught me off guard, I won't let it consume me. What matters most is how I see myself.
So thank you, random boy at party, for making me think. And I'm sorry you'll never get to know the real me.
I accompanied my best friend to a party last night to meet up with a friend of hers from DVC. After getting some delicious frozen yogurt and meeting her friend's friends, we went to one of their apartments. At the party we all got to talking and the boys said they had graduated from Alhambra high school in Martinez. I asked one of them if he knew a friend of mine from DVC who had also graduated from Alhambra.
He said he did and immediately everyone that also knew my friend started to tell me what a good and nice kid he was. I responded that I knew he was, and that I liked that. For some reason, one of the boys seemed to get the impression I was interested in trying to get at this friend. Confused, I responded that I wasn't, we were just friends. He joking replied "He is a good kid, stay away from him." I asked what he was talking about. He looked at me and said, "I know your type." Taken back, I asked what my type was. "Just look at you. I know you aren't a innocent, good girl."
Although he was in part just joking around, I was still insulted and replied, "You don't know me" and the conversation ended there.
I went home but couldn't stop thinking about what he had said. The part that upsets me the most is how he determined my character based solely off my appearance, even after having talked to me for some time. I'm a outgoing, friendly, young white girl transferring to UCSB with long, blondish hair and green eyes and was at a party with my girlfriend where I didn't know anyone, sipping on a mixed drink. Therefore I am a slut. Therefore I am a party animal. Therefore I have nothing in my head but fluff.
I know we are all guilty of judging others, myself definitely included. But to outright tell someone that you "know their type" is stepping over the line.
I like to think I am not like many girls, and I'd even go as far as to say I pride myself on that fact. I also love I have friends who are very similar to myself. But obviously it doesn't matter to some who take one look at me and come to their own conclusions.
Maybe if he had taken some time to get to know me a little better he'd find out I have a 4.0 GPA. Maybe he'd find out I go to church with my family. Maybe he'd find out that I basically support myself. Or that I'm active within my community and work hard writing for one of the best community college newspapers in the country. Sure, I do enjoy partying, will have a drink now and then and like going dancing at clubs but that isn't all there is to me.
His comment also made me wonder if that is the kind of idea others formulate about me after taking one look. I'd hope not, but it undoubtedly happens. And while a good part of how people perceive others has nothing to do with that individual, a part does. If a girl walks around in low cut shirts and short, tight skirts, she is putting forth an image that isn't exactly positive. And if that is her idea of looking "cute" she can't really be offended when someone gets the wrong idea of her. Same goes for anyone.
So present yourself how you want others to view you. I don't believe I should have to go around wearing sweats with a short haircut and no make-up (and even then I'd still be judged) to be given a fair trial but I'll dress appropiately and how I like.
I've been trying harder lately to stop when I catch myself passing judgement on someone I do not know. I'm ashamed whenever I'm proved wrong, which is often. However, I like being proved wrong. And although his comment caught me off guard, I won't let it consume me. What matters most is how I see myself.
So thank you, random boy at party, for making me think. And I'm sorry you'll never get to know the real me.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Through thick and thin
One of my best friends called me tonight. We have that kind of relationship where she didn't even have to say a word before I knew something was wrong. She burst out that her grandfather had died and then collapsed into hysteria.
I literally stopped in my tracks. She went on to tell me he had died last week from an unknown cause and his body hadn't been found for three days. She told me about how present he was in her childhood and how he had worked so hard his whole life only to suffer. After talking for an while and offering to come over, I hung up. A couple of thoughts ran through my head after our conversation. One was to be thankful for my family and friends, because it is so incredibly easy to take them for granted. And I can't even begin to imagine going through what she must be.
Life is mysterious like that; it makes us question why bad things happen to good people for no apparent reason and why some things happen with no apparent reason. I've been struggling with this concept a lot recently it seems; I understand that things in life are there to make us stronger and shake us awake, but what I don't understand is why some people have to face hardship after hardship after hardship. Isn't one difficult test enough? It just doesn't seem fair.
The other thing I thought about was how many of these same calls I had received from this friend in the past. And she had received several from me. Especially one in particular, in which I had just gone through something horrific, and she had been the only person who answered the phone when I called at a ridiculous hour.
I love her so much, we have both been through so much together and no matter where we were, if we had just had a fight or what the situation was, we have always been there for one another.
Even though 60% of the time she is driving me nuts and I constantly feel like I have to explain things to her and hold her hand through things, I can't imagine my past without her nor can I imagine my future. She is the most inconsistent, unreliable and dramatic person I know, but I wouldn't change a thing.
I couldn't explain how our friendship works or how our two personalities mesh, but they do, and have for nine years. I can literally tell her anything; she holds some of my deepest secrets no other person on the planet knows. And she always has the right thing to say, whether or not I want to hear it. It has been a joy to watch her grow up from the tiny, oblivious Chinese girl who had just come to America into the independent, confident woman she is today.
I know I'll be there for future calls I receive from her as she will be for me. And no matter what life paths we choose or regions of the world we move to, I look forward to the day she stands next to me as one of my bridesmaids, the day we can stroll through the park with strollers and the day we'll sit in rocking chairs reflecting on everything we have shared.
I literally stopped in my tracks. She went on to tell me he had died last week from an unknown cause and his body hadn't been found for three days. She told me about how present he was in her childhood and how he had worked so hard his whole life only to suffer. After talking for an while and offering to come over, I hung up. A couple of thoughts ran through my head after our conversation. One was to be thankful for my family and friends, because it is so incredibly easy to take them for granted. And I can't even begin to imagine going through what she must be.
Life is mysterious like that; it makes us question why bad things happen to good people for no apparent reason and why some things happen with no apparent reason. I've been struggling with this concept a lot recently it seems; I understand that things in life are there to make us stronger and shake us awake, but what I don't understand is why some people have to face hardship after hardship after hardship. Isn't one difficult test enough? It just doesn't seem fair.
The other thing I thought about was how many of these same calls I had received from this friend in the past. And she had received several from me. Especially one in particular, in which I had just gone through something horrific, and she had been the only person who answered the phone when I called at a ridiculous hour.
I love her so much, we have both been through so much together and no matter where we were, if we had just had a fight or what the situation was, we have always been there for one another.
Even though 60% of the time she is driving me nuts and I constantly feel like I have to explain things to her and hold her hand through things, I can't imagine my past without her nor can I imagine my future. She is the most inconsistent, unreliable and dramatic person I know, but I wouldn't change a thing.
I couldn't explain how our friendship works or how our two personalities mesh, but they do, and have for nine years. I can literally tell her anything; she holds some of my deepest secrets no other person on the planet knows. And she always has the right thing to say, whether or not I want to hear it. It has been a joy to watch her grow up from the tiny, oblivious Chinese girl who had just come to America into the independent, confident woman she is today.
I know I'll be there for future calls I receive from her as she will be for me. And no matter what life paths we choose or regions of the world we move to, I look forward to the day she stands next to me as one of my bridesmaids, the day we can stroll through the park with strollers and the day we'll sit in rocking chairs reflecting on everything we have shared.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
that scary thing called the future
I can't shake this feeling that I'm not going to end up transferring. Talking to my best friend today she said, "Well you probably just feel stressed and overwhelmed cause it is finally hitting you that the time has come." I agree but I don't agree. I do feel the pressure of doing last minute paperwork and going over my transcript with counselor after counselor to make sure I didn't miss anything, but at the same time I don't care. And this also makes me angry. Because this is what I have been working toward for the past two years. Transferring has made up a bulk of my conversations, what I've worked so hard toward and I thought I was so ready and set. But at the same its not that I'm not ready. It is that I don't know what I'm leaving for. What do I want to do? I have no idea. As my dad put it once, why spend all this money when you don't know what you want to do. And lets say I do leave. I have friends who are so concerned with moving away from home or not knowing anyone but I'm more afraid of going to school in Socal, graduating and then finding a job down there. I do not want to live down there. I want to stay in northern California. But is is not uncommon that where people go to school and start networking is where they end up staying. I also am not financially prepared for college. And I don't really like the idea of being up to my neck in student loans for the next few years. But what would I do if I don't transfer? Work? Travel? Maybe I'm overthinking everything. Or maybe I know myself better than I think I do. Scary.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Love day
I think this was the first Valentine's Day where myself and my best girlfriends together all had someone to spend the holiday with. In the past, it seems like someone was always left out. But I'm glad and happy that most people seemed to make the most out of the holiday, even if it was just with friends or family. At work yesterday some of my coworkers came in dressed up; one brought heart shaped donuts and we handed out flowers and chocolate kisses to our tables.
One of my coworkers commented that she liked working on Valentine's day (in the morning at least) because everyone was in a good mood and spirits were up. I had realized that too, there was something in the air and for the first time in years I was able to remember how it felt back in elementary, middle and even high school when it was Valentine's Day. People were just happy and excited to receive flowers, candy, cards. In elementary school it was about looking foward to a day of making bags out of construction paper for people to put valentines in, picking out valentines from the store then going home and sorting through them all to decide who got which one. It was just cute. And it was nice to be reminded of that feeling because it is more fleeting as you get older.
It was also funny shopping that week leading up to the holiday. We were at See's Candy for a good forty-five minutes stuck in line trying to get candy. My friend said one lady she was standing in line with told her she has a box of see's she brings back each year to get refilled and writes in the date for her husband. Apparently, she had been doing it for years. Just a fun tradition. Then at the mall of course it was packed. All the girls trying to buy last minute outfits was funny. Of course, my friends and I were also guilty of purchasing clothing articles or accesories. It got me thinking about how amusing it was. Why is it that girls are always so concerned about getting an outfit for every occasion? So concerned about making sure to purchase the perfect shoes and earrings to match. It is a little obsessive and can get expensive. Yet we still do it.
Well, for one, girls love to shop. There is really no answer I can give as to why. We just do. It is just fun to buy clothes and look cute. As for why we need outfits for every occasion, we just want to impress our boys (or partners or friends, whoever). We like to take care of ourselves and look nice. Of course, however, you do have to draw the line somewhere. Dropping hundreds of dollars just to look nice or keep your significant other interested is a bit over the top. And in the end, as I've said before, confidence is sexy and no one should have to change themselves to impress someone else.
And at the same time, boys, tell your girl she looks nice. Notice when she puts a little extra effort into her appearance and be grateful she wants to look nice for you and that she cares about upkeeping her appearance. And try to do the same. Don't show up to a nice dinner in jeans and a hoodie while she's in heels and a dress.
I talked to people who went all out for Valentine's Day. The whole nine yards. And I talked to people who kept it simple and easy. While Valentine's Day isn't that big of a deal to me, I still enjoy it and see it more of a time just to be thankful for the people you care about in your life and a chance to maybe do something a little extra special to show them your appreciation.
One of my coworkers commented that she liked working on Valentine's day (in the morning at least) because everyone was in a good mood and spirits were up. I had realized that too, there was something in the air and for the first time in years I was able to remember how it felt back in elementary, middle and even high school when it was Valentine's Day. People were just happy and excited to receive flowers, candy, cards. In elementary school it was about looking foward to a day of making bags out of construction paper for people to put valentines in, picking out valentines from the store then going home and sorting through them all to decide who got which one. It was just cute. And it was nice to be reminded of that feeling because it is more fleeting as you get older.
It was also funny shopping that week leading up to the holiday. We were at See's Candy for a good forty-five minutes stuck in line trying to get candy. My friend said one lady she was standing in line with told her she has a box of see's she brings back each year to get refilled and writes in the date for her husband. Apparently, she had been doing it for years. Just a fun tradition. Then at the mall of course it was packed. All the girls trying to buy last minute outfits was funny. Of course, my friends and I were also guilty of purchasing clothing articles or accesories. It got me thinking about how amusing it was. Why is it that girls are always so concerned about getting an outfit for every occasion? So concerned about making sure to purchase the perfect shoes and earrings to match. It is a little obsessive and can get expensive. Yet we still do it.
Well, for one, girls love to shop. There is really no answer I can give as to why. We just do. It is just fun to buy clothes and look cute. As for why we need outfits for every occasion, we just want to impress our boys (or partners or friends, whoever). We like to take care of ourselves and look nice. Of course, however, you do have to draw the line somewhere. Dropping hundreds of dollars just to look nice or keep your significant other interested is a bit over the top. And in the end, as I've said before, confidence is sexy and no one should have to change themselves to impress someone else.
And at the same time, boys, tell your girl she looks nice. Notice when she puts a little extra effort into her appearance and be grateful she wants to look nice for you and that she cares about upkeeping her appearance. And try to do the same. Don't show up to a nice dinner in jeans and a hoodie while she's in heels and a dress.
I talked to people who went all out for Valentine's Day. The whole nine yards. And I talked to people who kept it simple and easy. While Valentine's Day isn't that big of a deal to me, I still enjoy it and see it more of a time just to be thankful for the people you care about in your life and a chance to maybe do something a little extra special to show them your appreciation.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Be the change you want to see
Funny how I remember blogging all the time when I used to actually use my MySpace. Then I slowly stopped. I couldn't tell you why I did but I just did. I always used to write in my diary and then I started to write less and less. And again, I couldn't tell you why. However, one of my new years resolutions was to write more. And I intend to; I miss it. People make jokes and criticize bloggers all the time, and while I am guilty of doing the same from time to time, I also think it is a neat thing to be able to sit and write about an experience or a feeling and have others share. It is like freezing a moment of your life - something that was going on or an emotion you had that you can return to relive whenever you read the entry.
So here I am, making my first attempt in a while to blog again. It is 1:10 a.m. and I got home from work about 45 minutes ago. As much as I complain and whine about Applebees's I really have had such a good time working there. I love my co-workers and I meet the neatest people from time to time.
Tonight, for example I stayed for a coworker or mine because she wasn't feeling well. Toward 10 p.m. a man sat in my section. After the initial introduction and placing of his order I later returned with his food. As I put his food down he said "I am so jet lagged, I just got back from Berlin." I stopped, mildly impressed and interested and asked why he had been in Berlin. Well, what started as an innocent question turned into almost an hour discussion with this man I had just met. He told me he had been in Berlin for a film festival. Now, I don't know too much about film festivals but from what he told me, the film festival in Berlin is like the best of the best, the "creme de la creme" as he put it. He said he had seen probably abou 45 movies in the last few days and been out at parties until two/three in the morning. Apparently, from what I found out, he does some kind of work in the film industry and gets flown around to different festivals/premiers/parties. He told me about a party he was at recently where the Stones and Madonna played and Julia Roberts, Kate Winslet and Michelle Phiefer were on the guestlist. Talk about amazing! He knows the guy who produced Slumdog Millionare and had quite a few interesting facts to tell me about that movie. He also knew the director of the movie The Wrestler, knows people who sit on the board for the Academy Awards and has over the years just built up this network of writers, producers, actors and directors from all over the world.
It was so amazing and his life sounded so exciting. He was very down to earth and fun to talk to. For a some time we reminisced over past Academy Awards and talked movies. He really knew his stuff . Somehow we started talking about traveling to Europe and he told me he had been to India, all over Latin America and Europe, some parts of Asia, and really encouraged me to travel as well. He gave me his business card and went on his way.
I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I have a job to support myself, family and friends, get to go to school and write for a great newspaper yet I feel like I am just missing out on so much. And talking to this guy really just reminded me how much is out there - the people to meet and places to go and things to do! I feel so excited and overwhelmed for what the future holds for me. I am transferring (I think) in the Fall and have made a pact with myself that I am just going to do something spontaneous and out there before I go. It may be my last chance for a while and I haven't really have done anything on a large scale. So this summer I plan to just travel, preferably Europe. Whether it is with an organization or group or just friends, I want to and need to. I want to live and experience life. For the past few years its been all about school and working and just going about my daily routine. I am only 19 and I almost feel like I'm already stuck. The world has so much to offer and I want to find out and take advantage of it.
So here I am, making my first attempt in a while to blog again. It is 1:10 a.m. and I got home from work about 45 minutes ago. As much as I complain and whine about Applebees's I really have had such a good time working there. I love my co-workers and I meet the neatest people from time to time.
Tonight, for example I stayed for a coworker or mine because she wasn't feeling well. Toward 10 p.m. a man sat in my section. After the initial introduction and placing of his order I later returned with his food. As I put his food down he said "I am so jet lagged, I just got back from Berlin." I stopped, mildly impressed and interested and asked why he had been in Berlin. Well, what started as an innocent question turned into almost an hour discussion with this man I had just met. He told me he had been in Berlin for a film festival. Now, I don't know too much about film festivals but from what he told me, the film festival in Berlin is like the best of the best, the "creme de la creme" as he put it. He said he had seen probably abou 45 movies in the last few days and been out at parties until two/three in the morning. Apparently, from what I found out, he does some kind of work in the film industry and gets flown around to different festivals/premiers/parties. He told me about a party he was at recently where the Stones and Madonna played and Julia Roberts, Kate Winslet and Michelle Phiefer were on the guestlist. Talk about amazing! He knows the guy who produced Slumdog Millionare and had quite a few interesting facts to tell me about that movie. He also knew the director of the movie The Wrestler, knows people who sit on the board for the Academy Awards and has over the years just built up this network of writers, producers, actors and directors from all over the world.
It was so amazing and his life sounded so exciting. He was very down to earth and fun to talk to. For a some time we reminisced over past Academy Awards and talked movies. He really knew his stuff . Somehow we started talking about traveling to Europe and he told me he had been to India, all over Latin America and Europe, some parts of Asia, and really encouraged me to travel as well. He gave me his business card and went on his way.
I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I have a job to support myself, family and friends, get to go to school and write for a great newspaper yet I feel like I am just missing out on so much. And talking to this guy really just reminded me how much is out there - the people to meet and places to go and things to do! I feel so excited and overwhelmed for what the future holds for me. I am transferring (I think) in the Fall and have made a pact with myself that I am just going to do something spontaneous and out there before I go. It may be my last chance for a while and I haven't really have done anything on a large scale. So this summer I plan to just travel, preferably Europe. Whether it is with an organization or group or just friends, I want to and need to. I want to live and experience life. For the past few years its been all about school and working and just going about my daily routine. I am only 19 and I almost feel like I'm already stuck. The world has so much to offer and I want to find out and take advantage of it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
