"It seems like you are always giving out advice to other people - they know they can always come to and rely on you - but, I mean, do you ever get advice yourself? You are always there to help others out - yet you have your own share of problems. Maybe its easy to give others advice but diffficult for you to take your own advice?"
...never thought of it like that.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Passing judgement
This is going to sound very similiar to a opinion I've written before but oh well.
I accompanied my best friend to a party last night to meet up with a friend of hers from DVC. After getting some delicious frozen yogurt and meeting her friend's friends, we went to one of their apartments. At the party we all got to talking and the boys said they had graduated from Alhambra high school in Martinez. I asked one of them if he knew a friend of mine from DVC who had also graduated from Alhambra.
He said he did and immediately everyone that also knew my friend started to tell me what a good and nice kid he was. I responded that I knew he was, and that I liked that. For some reason, one of the boys seemed to get the impression I was interested in trying to get at this friend. Confused, I responded that I wasn't, we were just friends. He joking replied "He is a good kid, stay away from him." I asked what he was talking about. He looked at me and said, "I know your type." Taken back, I asked what my type was. "Just look at you. I know you aren't a innocent, good girl."
Although he was in part just joking around, I was still insulted and replied, "You don't know me" and the conversation ended there.
I went home but couldn't stop thinking about what he had said. The part that upsets me the most is how he determined my character based solely off my appearance, even after having talked to me for some time. I'm a outgoing, friendly, young white girl transferring to UCSB with long, blondish hair and green eyes and was at a party with my girlfriend where I didn't know anyone, sipping on a mixed drink. Therefore I am a slut. Therefore I am a party animal. Therefore I have nothing in my head but fluff.
I know we are all guilty of judging others, myself definitely included. But to outright tell someone that you "know their type" is stepping over the line.
I like to think I am not like many girls, and I'd even go as far as to say I pride myself on that fact. I also love I have friends who are very similar to myself. But obviously it doesn't matter to some who take one look at me and come to their own conclusions.
Maybe if he had taken some time to get to know me a little better he'd find out I have a 4.0 GPA. Maybe he'd find out I go to church with my family. Maybe he'd find out that I basically support myself. Or that I'm active within my community and work hard writing for one of the best community college newspapers in the country. Sure, I do enjoy partying, will have a drink now and then and like going dancing at clubs but that isn't all there is to me.
His comment also made me wonder if that is the kind of idea others formulate about me after taking one look. I'd hope not, but it undoubtedly happens. And while a good part of how people perceive others has nothing to do with that individual, a part does. If a girl walks around in low cut shirts and short, tight skirts, she is putting forth an image that isn't exactly positive. And if that is her idea of looking "cute" she can't really be offended when someone gets the wrong idea of her. Same goes for anyone.
So present yourself how you want others to view you. I don't believe I should have to go around wearing sweats with a short haircut and no make-up (and even then I'd still be judged) to be given a fair trial but I'll dress appropiately and how I like.
I've been trying harder lately to stop when I catch myself passing judgement on someone I do not know. I'm ashamed whenever I'm proved wrong, which is often. However, I like being proved wrong. And although his comment caught me off guard, I won't let it consume me. What matters most is how I see myself.
So thank you, random boy at party, for making me think. And I'm sorry you'll never get to know the real me.
I accompanied my best friend to a party last night to meet up with a friend of hers from DVC. After getting some delicious frozen yogurt and meeting her friend's friends, we went to one of their apartments. At the party we all got to talking and the boys said they had graduated from Alhambra high school in Martinez. I asked one of them if he knew a friend of mine from DVC who had also graduated from Alhambra.
He said he did and immediately everyone that also knew my friend started to tell me what a good and nice kid he was. I responded that I knew he was, and that I liked that. For some reason, one of the boys seemed to get the impression I was interested in trying to get at this friend. Confused, I responded that I wasn't, we were just friends. He joking replied "He is a good kid, stay away from him." I asked what he was talking about. He looked at me and said, "I know your type." Taken back, I asked what my type was. "Just look at you. I know you aren't a innocent, good girl."
Although he was in part just joking around, I was still insulted and replied, "You don't know me" and the conversation ended there.
I went home but couldn't stop thinking about what he had said. The part that upsets me the most is how he determined my character based solely off my appearance, even after having talked to me for some time. I'm a outgoing, friendly, young white girl transferring to UCSB with long, blondish hair and green eyes and was at a party with my girlfriend where I didn't know anyone, sipping on a mixed drink. Therefore I am a slut. Therefore I am a party animal. Therefore I have nothing in my head but fluff.
I know we are all guilty of judging others, myself definitely included. But to outright tell someone that you "know their type" is stepping over the line.
I like to think I am not like many girls, and I'd even go as far as to say I pride myself on that fact. I also love I have friends who are very similar to myself. But obviously it doesn't matter to some who take one look at me and come to their own conclusions.
Maybe if he had taken some time to get to know me a little better he'd find out I have a 4.0 GPA. Maybe he'd find out I go to church with my family. Maybe he'd find out that I basically support myself. Or that I'm active within my community and work hard writing for one of the best community college newspapers in the country. Sure, I do enjoy partying, will have a drink now and then and like going dancing at clubs but that isn't all there is to me.
His comment also made me wonder if that is the kind of idea others formulate about me after taking one look. I'd hope not, but it undoubtedly happens. And while a good part of how people perceive others has nothing to do with that individual, a part does. If a girl walks around in low cut shirts and short, tight skirts, she is putting forth an image that isn't exactly positive. And if that is her idea of looking "cute" she can't really be offended when someone gets the wrong idea of her. Same goes for anyone.
So present yourself how you want others to view you. I don't believe I should have to go around wearing sweats with a short haircut and no make-up (and even then I'd still be judged) to be given a fair trial but I'll dress appropiately and how I like.
I've been trying harder lately to stop when I catch myself passing judgement on someone I do not know. I'm ashamed whenever I'm proved wrong, which is often. However, I like being proved wrong. And although his comment caught me off guard, I won't let it consume me. What matters most is how I see myself.
So thank you, random boy at party, for making me think. And I'm sorry you'll never get to know the real me.
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